GaGa has Baggage

It's no secret that the girl has issues. But I'm talking about literal baggage as in luggage, as in Louis Vuitton, Tumi, Samsonite, you get it right?

Among my many responsibilities as the wife of a roadie, e.g., making sure he has clean underwear to pack, has all the necessary toiletries, gets plenty of exercise. I am also in charge of overseeing our bank accounts. 

It doesn't surprise me anymore to see airline charges for luggage - anywhere from $15 to $200. Thank goodness my husband gets reimbursed for all of it. Lady GaGa, however, does not get her money back for her baggage fees. Trust me, her bag tab would make most of us bankrupt.

My husband recalls that during his time with her as a sound engineer, GaGa amassed astronomical charges for overweight luggage. The worst was for a flight from Indonesia to Japan when the total fee was the equivalent of 30,000 U.S. dollars. That's right, thirty thousand United States Dollars. The crew flew with 56 suitcases, more than half of them belonged to GaGa. 

The second worst case, my husband tells me, was in Moscow where the charge was about 207,000 rubles or about 7,000 U.S. dollars. The price came with threats of them not being allowed to leave the country until it was paid. Not very good when they were due for a show in Germany that night.

Shoes, hats, makeup, flaming lingerie. Some suitcases contained just one dress. You must have seen photos of the science projects she wears. GaGa's infamous bubble dress, for example, was packed in a 2 x 3 x 4 foot trunk. Her hats, one for every day of the year my husband says, took up four kick drum cases. I know this for a fact because I accompanied him to a supply store to procure the large containers. I thought they were for, oh I don't know, say, kick drums maybe?

"Nope," my husband told me in a sort of matter of fact way. "They're for all the hats she bought in London." No designer made a suitcase large enough to accommodate the head garnishes. "The powers that be weren't too happy with her little shopping spree," he said. 

"Aren't you glad I only have ten hats?" I wanted to add. But I decided not to say anything and hoped he appreciated my lack of head gear. I also quickly decided not to return to a local store and buy the cute wool hat with a big bow.

I really do sympathize with GaGa's wardrobe lady. I have met her a few times. She's a sugary southern gal who is only a few inches taller than my 4"11 self. I don't know how she manages to keep track of the whole circus of a collection. 

I would rather be in charge of picking up my friend's grandmother's ashes from the funeral home and shipping them to Michigan than caring for very expensive couture as you travel around the world. That's just too much of a liability if you ask me. Especially, if you consider whom all this couture belongs to. I've heard how the Lady has had her moments and apparently she is not so ladylike when she's having them.

Don't get me wrong, I also like to be prepared when I travel and when I say "prepared" I mean having the right shoes to match my outfits. The last thing I want is to look like a bum in a foreign land. But I think being the wife of a roadie has made me a master of packing.

I manage to fit all my stuff into one small carry on. (That's my bag in the photo, the one with the green ribbon) Thus eliminating the baggage fees completely from my travels. The trick is to have one pair of black non-wrinkle pants, one pair of jeans, one black skirt, and a few colored tops. I also have an amazing pair of low-heeled black shoes that I can either sport with a casual or dressy outfit as well as walk a million miles in.

And here's another secret, ladies. The next time I meet my husband in a high-fashion city like Tokyo, I'm purposefully not packing a few items. It will give me a lighter suitcase on the way there and a good excuse to shop once I land. Great idea, eh, eh, GaGa? Rock on!

Wifey of a Roadie - Out!